I’m Beautiful Like Me.

I called in to work last Friday. I didn’t necessarily have a good reason, but I didn’t need one. The boss told me to take Monday off, too, since it was a holiday and we’d be slow: banks were closed and our restaurant’s guests are primarily bankers. I went in on Tuesday, but heard from the others that it was even slower than on Monday and ultimately, I was relieved early.

My brother, Big Rob, had taken the day off from his job and came in to lunch at my restaurant just as I was headed out. My parking meter was already paid up for another hour and a half, so we decided to have lunch together somewhere else. We passed a sushi restaurant just browsing the streets of downtown Lou-Evil and he really wanted to eat there. I don’t particularly like seafood and am really very unadventurous when it comes to exotic food anyway, but I told him I would keep him company. I did try his Ginger salad and liked it, so I ordered my own. I even ate it with chopsticks!

We talked about the new business our mom is in negotiations to buy that Big Rob will operate. I offered to help and we discussed that at great length. It was nice having lunch with my brother. We have a long and complicated history that is marred by long separations of both distance and spirit. It’s good to have him back in my life and I hope he knows that I don’t take it for granted.

That evening, Husband and I spoke a long time about my crazy. For the short period of time that I was at work on Tuesday, I felt the prickly butterflies of an impending panic attack that left as soon as I walked out of the restaurant. I had talked with Big Rob about it, too. Of course, he thought the relief came with his arrival (and perhaps it did - he has a commanding presence that attracts attention, therefore distracting me from my introspection). In any case, I suspect the general feeling of oppressiveness is originating from the people for whom I work. I want so badly to like this job but I just cannot talk myself into it. I’m very unhappy there. I work a measly 3 - 3.5 hours only to feel completely mentally and spiritually exhausted for the remainder of the day. I dread going in. I need something else and very soon.

Blissfully, the boss called me Wednesday morning and told me to take the day off since we’ve been “so damn slow.” Husband and I took care of a few errands and took the baby to lunch. While at lunch, he got called for a job, which he handled later in the afternoon while Buddha and I went shopping. Big Rob stopped over and I typed up some papers for him.

I didn’t get a call on Thursday morning, so I begrudgingly went in. We were so painfully slow, the day dragged. After work, I rushed over to an appointment - I got a call back for the job interview I had last week. I’m still nervous about getting my hopes up, but I did hear that not everyone got a call back. I also heard that it’d be about a week before I’d know if I make the final call back: a one-on-one interview with the doctor. My heart sank at that one: I’d hafta go back to the restaurant for at least another week.

Sigh.

I woke up in good spirits today, though and held a good mood for most of the work day, despite the incessant telling-me-things-I-already-know from the boss. I noticed for the first time that the kitchen manager shows preference to one of the waitresses and will sell her food before everyone else’s. I had one table that waited over half an hour for 2 fish sandwiches and a cheeseburger. These people are on their lunch breaks and don’t have time to fuck around this long for a bite to eat. One of the ladies asked to speak to the boss. When I went to fetch him, he screamed at me for “talking to my tables too much,” and proceeded to get into a pissing match with the woman, who stomped out angrily. Seriously. That fouled my mood a bit.

After work, I kidnapped Joy from the last hour of school to take her to get that haircut she’s been buggin’ about for the past two weeks. The lady in the office informed me that she’d had 8 - EIGHT!!! - tardies this school year! Joy pouted and wanted to know why I was picking her up early since she’d be missing the classroom ice cream party. I scowled at her and said nothing. We got into the car and I told her we were going to get her hair cut and she immediately perked up. She asked me not to be mad at her about being late. I agreed to drop it as long as she promised it would never happen again and she’d do dishes all weekend without complaint. She agreed and we had quite a good time. I don’t particularly care for the long side-swept bangs she got, but she likes it and - as I told her - that’s all that matters. We had dinner together at McDonald’s and stopped to get the boys something on our way home. She ran out as soon as we got home to show off her new ‘do.

A bit later, Big Rob came over and accompanied Joy and I to her school’s basketball game to see the Step Team in action. Big Rob got all sweaty and quietly complained, “There are a lot of people here.” He asked if I would be upset if he left after Joy performed, but decided he needed to see the outcome of the game. I think he ended up having a pretty good time. The game was very exciting. Our team won by 3 points (YAY!).

January 23, 2009 Louisville KY STOMPIN’!!!

And of course, I took video. Joy is best noticed by her new bangs. The video isn’t super-great, since I was trying to avoid recording the people that kept walking in front of me, but it does the trick.

Joy’s report card came in yesterday and she got great marks. She has brought home numerous certificates and acknowledgements this year that reward her for various academic achievements. So tomorrow, Husband will take her out for lunch in honor of that - just the two of them. I’m very happy to see them getting on so well lately.

I hope to get this house cleaned up and to finish reading Eclipse and work on the cowl I’m knitting some more. I have a whole mess of shows on the DVR to catch up on, as well as about 7 movies that need watching, too. Should prove to be a good weekend. Enjoy yours!

Things have been very, very emotional around here. The past few weeks, I have been scrounging for cash to pay our bills. Husband has gotten his business license and we’ve done some low-budget advertising with not much luck. I’ve been working on some online projects to make some money, including starting a new blog,. The Natal Astrology blog feels promising - it’s a niche that isn’t terribly crowded, I love the subject matter and won’t be running out of material to blog about in the foreseeable future. In the last 11 days of October, I made $9.75 - not a gob of cash, but at this point, every little bit counts!

I spent a lot of hard labor hours working on my mom’s shop, too, with Husband’s help. We got rid of a lot of garbage and donated a lot of practical (but useless to mom) stuff to the Goodwill. I’m very grateful that she helped us out - we wouldn’t have made the rent this month without this job.

Ginger, my beloved Hemingway cat, started urinating in weird places. Then we noticed blood in his urine. I did some online research and discovered that an older male cat with a UTI could die of renal failure if not treated. I cried a lot. Do I dip into my already scarce rent funds to help my cat?

Damn right I do.

I ended up calling into work last Thursday to take him to the vet. I opted for the antibiotics only, the cheapest route. If they don’t work, we’ll hafta go back for x-rays to see if he has bladder stones. So far, he is passing urine still and while it isn’t much, it’s no longer bloody. My fingers are crossed.

I managed to get Joy in to her doctor on Thursday, as well. Her ’script was running low and I was worried that she’d be off her meds for a long time, as it is often difficult to get in with her doctor right away.

Not sure exactly how we managed, but rent was paid, the cat and kid were dealt with, and all is okay. Not great, but okay.

My dad called on Thursday, but we didn’t talk until Friday. He told me that my gramma is having surgery on Monday to have a lung removed. Given her age and overall health, he said she has about a 20% chance of surviving the surgery. I’m stunned by this news. She is my only living grandparent. While we aren’t close, I fully expected that one day, I’d take my kids and Husband to spend Thanksgiving with her. That may not happen now.

We took the kids trick-or-treating with P and her girls on Friday.

Yesterday, they came over to our place for a bit, we ate a delicious dinner and just hung out. It was good for me. I have been spending my free time working on some knitted gifts for P and was able to give some of it to her. I finished up the scarf yesterday after she left.

I work this afternoon. I hate working Sundays, but we need the money. I asked for extra shifts, too. Hopefully it won’t suck to work some nights and I will actually earn some decent income from this place. In the meantime, we’ll still do what we can on the side to make it.

I started work on Friday. The ink and piercings are not as big a deal as I was led to believe at the interview/hiring. It’s looking like I will only be working part-time during lunch rushes. I’m really quite pleased, as it leaves knit night open and me available to continue pursuing ways to make money online. And, in the event that I’m ever considered for some of those 20-odd apps I submitted last week, I’ll be available to interview and possibly find better income.

Right now, this seems to be a good fit. I’ve completed my training and will be making tips when I return to work on Wednesday. I like all 4 of the managers and there are a number of colleagues that are really cool, too.

After my first shift on Friday, Husband and I took the kids to the mall so’s I could get a new nose ring. I lost the CZ in my last one some time ago and we’ve been so tight I haven’t had the bread to replace it. I got a great deal on 6 of them and also got a new barbell for my tongue and awesome tribal spirals for ear-stretching. The kids were surprisingly well-behaved. Then we got a bite to eat at Steak & Shake, where I ran into an old friend.

Saturday night after work, P and her girls came over and watched Joy and Buddha while Husband and I went out to a show. I was indecisive as to which show I wanted to attend, but we ended up going to the Brewery Thunderdome (my first time since it reopened!) to see Caldera and Snake Eyed Savior. I had a couple of shots of Woodford’s Reserve before going and got pretty farkin’ wasted on Blue Moon while there. I didn’t even get to see either of those bands play, but I had a great time and saw so many familiar faces.

I worked a double yesterday, mostly just to get the training out of the way. My afternoon trainer is this really cool chic with a vibe I dig. She let me lead the way. Our second table turned out to be more old friends of mine that I haven’t seen in I-don’t-know-how-many years. Back in the day when we kicked it together, these two were just getting together. Turns out they had just returned from their honeymoon! How cool is that!

Needless to say, I’ve taken numbers, email addresses, MySpace URLs and whatnot. Getting older, having a family and (groan) responsibilities really gets in the way of keeping up with friends who are also busy getting older, having families and responsibilities. I’m hopeful to stay connected.

The past few days have been really, really good for my emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. I’m glad to have a change of both scenery and pace. It feels long overdue.