I’m Beautiful Like Me.

I fully intended to go to bed after my last post, but I’d like to turn off my computer before going to bed as part of my campaign to go green(er) and the defragger is at 99%. So, I thought I’d share a couple of pictures from our visit to the park on Monday real quick.

The kids.

Us.

I spotted one of them there conspiracy rainbows - and got proof!
::chuckle::

Mid-afternoon yesterday, we packed up and headed to Otter Creek again. We weren’t there long, just an hour and a half or so, but it was really nice. The place was packed! Certainly not like going in June on a weekday. The water was still pretty chilly, but it was pleasant to sit on the rocks in the sun. The boy was uncertain about the more swift spots and preferred sitting with daddy on the bigger rock with his feet dangling in the water, as opposed to sitting with me directly in the water.

This little girl and Buddha were super-cute together.

As we were chilling in the creek, I saw B and D waving to me from the bank of the creek. At first I didn’t recognize them or that they were waving at me. They joined us for a few minutes and Husband snapped this rather unflattering photograph of the three of us. B told me that he’s playing football - very exciting. I’ll be sure to see a game or at least a practice. It was great to see them.

It’s the Fourth of July. Happy Independence Day to those of you celebrating the holiday today!

I’m ambivalent about the day. I love the food, but hate the fireworks.

Dinner was great. I bought a 5 quart Teflon skillet and made home fries for the first time in ages. We also had Sloppy Joes and greens. We sat together at the dinner table and stuffed ourselves. But the neighbors are stinking up the place with their incessant firecrackers and making me jumpy. I’m not a jumpy person, dammit. I hate twitching with every pop, boom, crack, bang, pow.

I want to go out. There’s so much going on in the city today! Weird Al is performing right down the street from me at the Iroquois Amphitheater. And it gets better - yes, better! George Clinton and the P-Funk All*Stars are playing the Louisville Waterfront, absolutely free! I really, really want to go. Alas, I have no way down there (insert sobbing smiley here, please). I tried to convince Husband to stay home tonight so we could attend, but he is being infuriatingly sensible. P is hanging out with her sister and their girls this evening. I even tried calling my mom to see if I might borrow her Jeep so I could go, but she doesn’t answer. Curses!

There’s beer in the fridge, though and it’s my new favorite - Blue Moon’s seasonal beer Honey Moon. I stayed up way too late again last night, sipping 3 of those delish brews and hanging out with Husband. I’m pretty exhausted from lack of sleep. Plus, I went shopping for a bit, cooked dinner and played a ton with the boy. I even chatted with Joy for a bit. She complained about boredom but then said she was going to Busch Gardens today. That kid, I tell ya, she expects to be entertained 24/7.

I bought some new clothes for myself while shopping today. I got a pretty good deal, too. I bought 5 summery shirts and a pair of shorts and spent a whopping $40. I still haven’t gotten around to trying them on yet, though, ’cause I’m so tired and started dinner as soon as we got back. It gets damn hot in that kitchen quick!

I’ve still got a ton of shows on the DVR and I wanna watch Vantage Point. And I’ve got tons of crocheting left to do. I’ve only made 6 of the 16 small squares and none of the other size squares! Mom’s birthday is only in a few days, so I suppose her gift will be late. It took me forever to decide on a color pattern and finally decided to use two color patterns. Here’s what I have so far:

I spend most of my time inside our tiny apartment. There are a couple of reasons for that: we only have one very small vehicle, I hate traffic and well, I don’t really have anywhere to go. But after not having gone out for quite some time, I was ready to get out of the house today.

My 16 year old niece was supposed to come to our place for a few nights. She was supposed to come over yesterday, but my brother waited until after Husband left with the truck before telling me that he was having car problems (despite the fact that he knew well ahead of then). So, we were going to drive over to his place to pick her up today. But again, they didn’t have their shit together. After much frustration, I finally decided to just go do what I wanted to go do without her and pick her up afterwards.

P called and we planned to meet up later to go to Louisville’s Waterfront Park after she got off from work. But first, we went to Bernheim Forest. I have been itching to get out there for some time now.

I absolutely adore this park. In the past when I have went, we typically drove all the way into the back and spent our time hiking the trails. Now, I have wandered the very front before, but not much. In any case, it’s very interesting and it’s what we did today. The paths are paved and all the trees, bushes, flowers and plants are all marked stating what they are. The place is huge and extremely well-maintained. I took over a hundred photos! Here are my favorites:

And now some photos featuring my favorite people!

This week on July 2, Slugger Field is hosting Stitch ‘n Pitch, a way to bring together two great American traditions, baseball and needle arts.

While there were some aggrevations today, we got out there and enjoyed the beautiful weather and had a great time. I’m sorry that my niece didn’t join us, but there is (hopefully) always next time.

Also, while I am here, let me update on xSO. He had sentencing today. He received 18 months probation and some community hours (don’t remember how many). He’s still in jail, on hold for transfer to the neighboring county. The court date there is currently set for the 7th of July, but it’s unlikely he’ll be transfered so quickly. We don’t believe he’ll be out of jail before Joy comes home. They have been able to visit a few more times, as well and she will likely get to visit with him several times per week, at least until he transfers. I spoke with her today and she sounds well, although a bit tired. It’s good for her to be with that side of the family - it’s larger than my side so there is more for her to do and more people to entertain her.

But I miss her.

Under normal circumstances, we make weekly trips to the area parks during the summer months. Last year was anything but normal, what with a new baby, moving and adjusting to our new situation. So it’s been really swell getting back into the rhythm of the season again.

When Joy was about Buddha’s age, we used to visit Tyler Park almost daily, because it was walking distance from our apartment. It had a large field, a play area (actually 2), and a fountain that the girl loved to splash in when she was little. For the past several months, I have been seeing what looks like the park in the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Player’s video featured on Jack’s Big Music Show on Noggin, so I’ve been eager to take another trip out there for photo comparison. Sure enough, it is my beloved park!

A screenshot of the video.

A snapshot I took yesterday.

So P picked us up in the early evening. Her oldest, L is at summer camp this week so she just had 4 year old C with her. The girl got along swimmingly with C, which was a pleasant surprise. The girl was even nice to her brother and kept an eye on him for a few minutes for me so’s I could have a sit-down with my friend for a few minutes adult conversation!

The girl loves the fountain.

C with Joy.Joy and Buddha.The boy crawls through a tunnel.Buddha models T’s shades.P and me Just a cool picture of Buddha.

Afterwards, P and I took the kids out for a bite to eat. It took a lot longer than we’d hope or expected, but it was nice. I always have a good time hanging out with P. Then we came back to my place and hung out a bit longer. I gave the boy a bath and we both conked out while he nursed around 10pm.

Today, we’d made plans to visit Otter Creek again with another friend of mine, but she flaked (later found out she worked late and was still sleeping at 10am when I called). So, we opted to go down to Iroquois Park instead. It’s much closer but still got the kids out of the house for a bit so Husband could focus on getting his last bit of schoolwork completed for the quarter. There are fountains there, too, and the kids - especially the girl - love the water. I packed up some PB&Js, the sunblock and we headed out.

T was in a mood today.

Joy splashing around in the park’s fountains.

The boy was a bit nervous.

But I stayed with him and got soaked in the process.

We had a lot of fun, but packed up early. Buddha was getting cranky and I figured taking him home and getting him down for a nap wouldn’t distract Husband too terribly (it didn’t). I took T with me to Kroger for a few miscellaneous groceries and picked up a copy of Jumper to watch tonight while I work on my latest crocheting projects. Another few hours of work and I should be done. I’m getting really excited as I near the end, because they are tur
ning out quite nicely.

Husband left early to swing by campus to take an exam before work. Fridays are usually a long night for him and usually come Saturday, I’m ready to strangle all the kids. Considering how little sleep he’s gotten the last several nights, he will likely come home, pass out and sleep until it’s time to work tomorrow. Sucks for me, but I wouldn’t blame him. He’s got one week of school left, so it’s crunch time. I’m proud of him.

For a few weeks now, I’ve been feeling a bit down in the dumps. On two different evenings about a week apart, I drank and cried. I’ve been feeling lonely, missing Husband and out of sorts. I haven’t wanted to get out of the house. I haven’t wanted to be intimate. I haven’t chatted on the phone. I’ve just kinda withdrawn from the entire world. I’ve got a history of losing myself and my identity to my family. Most of my time is spent with a 2 and a half foot boy who has virtually no vocabulary and demands I figure out his every need. The girls have both challenged me since the school year ended. Instead of looking for growth in these situations, I have lost my patience and generally felt sorry for myself.

I’m happy to report that mostly, those feelings have dissipated. Getting out of the house has helped immensely. Leaning on my Husband - who is my very best friend and my rock - has been reminded me that I needn’t shoulder the world. I remember that I can turn to God and prayer instead of sitting on a pity pot. I count my blessings.

I have been itching to get out to Otter Creek since before we returned to Kentucky to live. It wasn’t possible to make it there when we came for our visit in June of 2006 (not enough time) and when we first moved here, money was really tight, so that kept us from going. Then, by the time Spring rolled around, we had a new baby. Then we moved and well, it just never happened.

So the last few days I have been feeling pretty down in the dumps and decided that I’m just going to pack up the kids and go. Husband surprised me by saying that he wanted to come along, too. I’m glad for it. It was good for us. It was good for my soul.

Some shots of the creek.

We left much later than planned, but the drive was shorter than I anticipated. Good thing too, how we were all mushed into the truck. In any case, we unpacked our stuff and set up a spot by a picnic table. It was fairly quiet out there on a Wednesday morning. We braved the cold creek for a bit, taking the baby, who was both intrigued and afraid. He lost his inhibitions after a bit and enjoyed himself throwing rocks. As we were entering the creek from the bank, there was a spectacular swirl of butterflies fluttering about. The girl even managed to catch one! The current rushing over the rocks was just as beautiful as I remembered. It was too cold for me to thoroughly enjoy, however, and I vow to revisit in August when it simply must be warmer.

As we were setting up and getting ready to head to the creek, Buddha decides he doesn’t care for the sand on his toes.

Joy.

T sunbathing.The boy loved throwing rocks and watching them ker-plunk!Joy in the creek.

She’s a mermaid!

Husband and I.

Then Husband and I packed in the boy and took off hiking, leaving the girls at the creek per their request. It was invigorating to hike. Also a bit disencouraging, as the realization set in that I am completely out of shape. I plodded on faithfully though and made a conscious decision to dedicate more of my free time doing things of this very nature for both my physical health as well as my mental health.

It was peaceful and beautiful. I quickly found my knack for spotting things again. We saw fish swimming in the creek, a toad, a caterpillar, poked interest at a red cedar… I reminisced about previous occasions that I hiked these trails to Husband and how much I missed Furthur Dog as she had always accompanied me. I went on to say that we had always listened for but never saw woodland creatures because her presence had likely scared them away. At that very moment, I looked off to my right and spotted a large and majestic doe! Of course, my movement frightened her away, but it was magikal all the same.

We made our way back after about 30 minutes of walking and packed up to head home. We stopped off for a bite to eat at A&W. It was delicious, but pricey for fast food. When we arrived home, Husband conked out for a bit. I made him lunch for work and then conked out myself.

Ahhhh, today was a good day.

The last several weeks have been rather dull.

I have been working on a supersecret crochet project, but once the surprise is out, I will share those details.

The girl is out of school and did very well. She will be a fourth grader this fall. I’ve gotten her involved in a couple of summer reading programs. We went to the library and she showed ambition by checking out dozens of books. She’s almost finished her first one. We are likely not going to be able to send her to the in-laws for the summer. I’m hesitant to let her dad’s family take her, though I likely will. Sigh.

Buddha is becoming a real challenge. He is growing so fast and curious about everything. He keeps me on my toes all.day.long! He’s starting to learn new words, which is exciting and fun. He says “rock” and “cup” about the right things. It’s pretty cool watching those connections.

One morning earlier this week, I woke up before Buddha. I made myself a couple of sausage biscuits and an extra piece of sausage for him, because he loves it so. I left it on the kitchen counter on a paper plate. He got up an hour or so later and eventually went to the counter and pulled the plate down. I found him on the kitchen floor eating the sausage, just like this.

T is also a challenge sometimes. We got into a couple of blow-out fights. She apologized both times and understands why things are the way they are. She is dealing with the shit as it comes. It’s hard when you are a teen and just want to play and have fun. I understand that aspect of it. We are making progress.

On Monday, Husband and I met with a fellow from our bank to see about pre-qualifying for a first-time home loan. We’ve been working on fixing our credit and Husband’s income has increased since we last inquired a year ago, so we were hopeful. Unfortunately, some of the debt I’ve since reconciled did not come off of my report, so I have requested letters from respective companies stating that debts were reconciled.

A new debt showed up on the report. An outstanding medical debt from the girl from 2004 for almost $800. I was forced to call xSO’s mom to ask for some help with that. I am afraid it is going to stand between us and our first home. Made me rather nauseated yesterday, as I traced the debt back to it’s origin. I was under the impression that it was from some lab work I received back in November because the credit report shows it originating 11/2007. Really ridiculous, the hoops I jumped through to find out what the fuck was going on. By the end of the day, I had a stomachache and a migraine.

Anyhow, guy from the bank said he wanted to wait until Husband had at least a year on the job (which he will be on Aug 5) before proceeding. In that time, I should be able to get together letters of debt reconciliation (’cept for the one for the medical bill) and write to the 3 credit reporting agencies, requesting that they review the accounts and reevaluate my credit score. I remain hopeful.

We had hoped to be able to move over the summer. Since that was our original plan, I decided it might be best for the girl to stay here for the summer and be a part of all that. Last summer she was gone during our move here and she felt disconnected and excluded from things. I didn’t want a repeat of that. However, since we are going to hang in here until at least August, I decided to talk to xSO’s mom about girl visiting there for the summer. I’m extremely reluctant because we’ve made so much progress since the last incident in FL with xSO. The girl is ready to talk to the psych about discontinuing meds on the 16th. I gave xSO’s mom some conditions and she was willing to promise adhering to them. Still, I’m hesitant. I agreed to the visit, but I swear to God on my very soul that if they fuck up again, it will be a cold day in Hell before she is allowed to visit there again.

We did take the kids bowling again and I’ve been taking trips to the nearby park with P and her girls. Here are some pics.

Buddha with his stick.

T and C, P’s youngest.

Joy and her best friend, L.

T and Joy.

Joy.

Joy and L.

The whole lot of them.And for good measure, Husband.