I’m Beautiful Like Me.

Husband still doesn’t have a job. It’s highly unlikely that he’ll get his position back at the company that was given a bad background check. We aren’t seeing any opportunity for recourse.
Buddha is sick. I vaguely recall him feeling a bit warm last night during the late-night nursing session. It was confirmed by vomit in the crib this morning. He was fine earlier, but he’s grown cranky as the day has continued. He’s extra whiny and clingy.

I’ve been plugging away at my mom’s site for at least 50 hours and she is going to pay me $100. She made a pointed remark that she just spend “quite a bit of money” on Joy for school uniforms and supplies. We’re talkin’ maybe $50. It’s like a slap in the face. That’s $2 an hour. Needless to say, I’m done working on the site, even if everything isn’t as I had planned.

I have no idea how we are going to pay our rent.

I’m not entirely convinced there is an actual recession. I’m more inclined to think that it’s more about inflation (particularly regarding gas prices and how they are affecting everyfuckingthing else) and lack of job security in this country. I could go off on a tangent, but it’s late and I’m not really in the mood.

There is a movement among bloggers going on and I’ve decided to join. It’s called Blog The Recession, an idea of Kristin’s over at Motherhood Uncensored. I found out about it through Margalit’s blog What Was I THINKING? Thanks, Margalit!

So I’ll be clicking through this month to help out. Money is tight here, as well, since Husband just started this job so I don’t anticipate clicking on ads - even if I am tempted - but I will be leaving comments when I am so inspired. In fact, I left comments on every blog on the list before writing this post (tomorrow, I’ll hit up the list of blogs on the comments of that post). Based on that experience, I want to make a suggestion to my fellow bloggers: If you have comment moderation, please remove the captcha! All those goofy letter-numbers things are a total pain in the ass!

Why not join the movement, too, and help spread the word? If you need motivation, well there are some nifty prizes you could win if you blog about it. I’m not in it for the prizes, but I wouldn’t turn ‘em down if I won! To help spread the love, if you leave your blog link in a comment to this post, I will click through your site and leave a comment (or two!).

The last several weeks have been rather dull.

I have been working on a supersecret crochet project, but once the surprise is out, I will share those details.

The girl is out of school and did very well. She will be a fourth grader this fall. I’ve gotten her involved in a couple of summer reading programs. We went to the library and she showed ambition by checking out dozens of books. She’s almost finished her first one. We are likely not going to be able to send her to the in-laws for the summer. I’m hesitant to let her dad’s family take her, though I likely will. Sigh.

Buddha is becoming a real challenge. He is growing so fast and curious about everything. He keeps me on my toes all.day.long! He’s starting to learn new words, which is exciting and fun. He says “rock” and “cup” about the right things. It’s pretty cool watching those connections.

One morning earlier this week, I woke up before Buddha. I made myself a couple of sausage biscuits and an extra piece of sausage for him, because he loves it so. I left it on the kitchen counter on a paper plate. He got up an hour or so later and eventually went to the counter and pulled the plate down. I found him on the kitchen floor eating the sausage, just like this.

T is also a challenge sometimes. We got into a couple of blow-out fights. She apologized both times and understands why things are the way they are. She is dealing with the shit as it comes. It’s hard when you are a teen and just want to play and have fun. I understand that aspect of it. We are making progress.

On Monday, Husband and I met with a fellow from our bank to see about pre-qualifying for a first-time home loan. We’ve been working on fixing our credit and Husband’s income has increased since we last inquired a year ago, so we were hopeful. Unfortunately, some of the debt I’ve since reconciled did not come off of my report, so I have requested letters from respective companies stating that debts were reconciled.

A new debt showed up on the report. An outstanding medical debt from the girl from 2004 for almost $800. I was forced to call xSO’s mom to ask for some help with that. I am afraid it is going to stand between us and our first home. Made me rather nauseated yesterday, as I traced the debt back to it’s origin. I was under the impression that it was from some lab work I received back in November because the credit report shows it originating 11/2007. Really ridiculous, the hoops I jumped through to find out what the fuck was going on. By the end of the day, I had a stomachache and a migraine.

Anyhow, guy from the bank said he wanted to wait until Husband had at least a year on the job (which he will be on Aug 5) before proceeding. In that time, I should be able to get together letters of debt reconciliation (’cept for the one for the medical bill) and write to the 3 credit reporting agencies, requesting that they review the accounts and reevaluate my credit score. I remain hopeful.

We had hoped to be able to move over the summer. Since that was our original plan, I decided it might be best for the girl to stay here for the summer and be a part of all that. Last summer she was gone during our move here and she felt disconnected and excluded from things. I didn’t want a repeat of that. However, since we are going to hang in here until at least August, I decided to talk to xSO’s mom about girl visiting there for the summer. I’m extremely reluctant because we’ve made so much progress since the last incident in FL with xSO. The girl is ready to talk to the psych about discontinuing meds on the 16th. I gave xSO’s mom some conditions and she was willing to promise adhering to them. Still, I’m hesitant. I agreed to the visit, but I swear to God on my very soul that if they fuck up again, it will be a cold day in Hell before she is allowed to visit there again.

We did take the kids bowling again and I’ve been taking trips to the nearby park with P and her girls. Here are some pics.

Buddha with his stick.

T and C, P’s youngest.

Joy and her best friend, L.

T and Joy.

Joy.

Joy and L.

The whole lot of them.And for good measure, Husband.

We finally got our income tax return today. I want to throw practicality to the wind and buy us all one-way tickets to Maratea, Italy.

Alas, I will not.

We are going to pay down our debt. Husband’s truck is paid off, at long last! It was painful to write that check, but also an immense relief. We have about $2000 more that we will be spending on paying off old debts on our credit report. The long-term goal is to get our first house. I am eager and have started looking already, but in truth, we will likely wait until we have a couple thousand saved to put down. That could easily be two or three years from now.

One of the best things about being married to Husband is how similarly we think and behave with regards to money. We are able to communicate so well about the way we spend and have similar long-term goals. From time to time, one of us gets a little crazy and the other balances the scales by bringing a reality check to the table. It’s always honest.

The dream from my end is a home that is big enough to accomadate our family size and for just a little bit of extra room to stretch out. Husband would prefer some land and while I am not opposed to that, I would prefer not to live out in the middle of nowhere. The absolute most important things to me are a large kitchen and at least one fireplace. Husband wants a basement and/or a garage. I would prefer a basement first, considering there is enough land to later build a garage if we so choose. Storage space is always good. Plenty of electrical outlets. Two bathrooms, even if one of them is only a half-bath.

Tomorrow will be a bit hectic in the evening. Mom is flying back in from Deutschland and I have to pack up the chirrens and pick her up from the airport. I still need to get her Jeep an oil change and fill the gas tank. It’s very likely that she’ll be half-starved when she arrives, so we may stop for a bite to eat. So, my plan is to turn in early tonight. Hopefully, I’ll stick to it!

It hit me really hard today that in less than 2 weeks, my son will be a year old. It’s physically painful. I realize that I still have a lot of life in front of me, but it smacked me upside the head that 30 years have got behind me, I’m married and have two children and my youngest is hitting his first big milestone. This time will never be recreated with other children. My baby is moving into toddlerhood.

Sigh.

I ordered his birthday crown and tee-shirt today.