I’m Beautiful Like Me.

The afghan is coming along. I’ve completed all 16 of the smallest squares, all 5 middle-sized squares and 1.5 of the 3 largest squares. It’s turning out rather nice, but I’m still nervous. I can’t quite understand what about Granny Squares makes me nervous, but I worry that things come together the way they ought to. I worried this way during the making of the Li’l Monkey afghan and they turned out rather nice, thank you very much. Still, I’m nervous.

I’ve been neglecting my reading. I started Restaurant at the End of the Universe months ago and never finished it. Hell, I never got far. I’m too consumed with the numerous crocheting books, 200 Crochet Blocks and Stitch ‘n Bitch. I did pick up Storm Front, the first in the Dresden Files series, upon recommendation from P’s husband. I’ve read like 4 pages. Hopefully, I can carve out more time for reading soon.

I have listened to the entirety of Anne of Green Gables via Podcast provided by LibriVox. It was the first book I’ve ever listened to and I must admit that I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I’m currently looking into listening to the rest of the series.

Poor Husband. On Sunday night, he didn’t call on his lunch break. This is very unusual. After some time, I finally called him and got no answer. Eventually he called me and gave me the bad news: he had hurt himself at work. Luckily, it was just a strain and nothing too serious. When he went to his boss to tell him, his boss would not let Husband out of his sight. He put him in a cab and the cab took him to the hospital. They gave him some meds and an appointment at their doctor’s office the following morning. He came home very early.

The next morning he went to his appointment and they gave him more meds, told him to rest and he’d be okay to go back to work on Wednesday. He spent the better part of his days off in bed atop a heating pad, sleeping. I had to wake him this afternoon at 4:15pm to get ready for work. On his lunch, he called as usual and said he was going to come home, that his back was still hurting pretty badly. I can only imagine, as his job is very physically strenuous. On an unhappy note, the meds he’s taking make him rather cranky while he’s awake. Hopefully when he sees the company doctor again tomorrow, they will give him some good news or some better meds.

We woke up late.

T was in the shower. I just lectured her on Friday about half-hour showers every morning. It’s been weeks since I chewed her out for leaving hairballs in the shower drain. Slightly irritating way to start the day when you really wanted a bath before leaving.

So we waited for more hot water. It wasn’t terribly long, but I wish I had gotten my ass in gear earlier so we coulda hung out with P, her husband and their girls longer this afternoon.

We got there about 2pm. We alternated hanging out in the back yard and in the kitchen, sipping beer while we prepared homemade salsa and setting all the goodies out. P’s hubby grilled dogs, brats, burgers, steaks, chicken and ribs. We ate chips and salsa, potato salad, beans, the whole nine. P and I even managed to steal a few smokes away from the bunch so we could just chill and chat. It’s hot out there, but I had a great time kickin’ it with them.

Buddha was very sweet, but his usual curious self. He didn’t eat much. I think he must be teething again. I spotted another molar coming in on the top left. Last night was another test of my patience getting him to sleep. He gets to this icky point of being completely inconsolable. He doesn’t want to nurse, he doesn’t want to snuggle, he doesn’t want me to put him down, he doesn’t want me to hold him, he just screams and screams. This is the third time he’s gotten like this and it leaves me feeling completely helpless.

T is staying at P’s tonight to watch the girls so P and her man can hit up the movies. After we had been home awhile, I helped myself to the leftovers that P packed up for me to bring home and the boy helped me eat that. He nursed for a bit, too. Later, we shared an ice cream bar. It’s the funniest thing, watching him try to figure out how to lick the ice cream. We’re going to scrub down in the tub shortly to wash off the sunscreen, bug spray, food and dirt and hopefully go to sleep without incidence tonight.

It’s been a good bit since I’ve had an evening to myself at home. I’ve watched just about all of my DVR’d shows and Sunday night television isn’t my favorite. I think I have a few movies I still haven’t seen yet, though. I’m going to continue working on crocheting the Circles to Square blanket for my mom’s birthday. It’s still going pretty slowly, because it’s so hard to get any work done when Buddha is awake. He gets into my yarn, tries to steal my hook and climbs all over me, making it next to impossible to get very far.

Husband is likely going to have a late night tonight. At least we got to spend some time together this afternoon before work, though. It’s nice to see him hanging out with P’s husband, since he gets so very little time to socialize with others. And he’s off the next 2 days, so we’ll get plenty of time to hang out then. Better get it while I can - school in back in session for him today.

It’s the Fourth of July. Happy Independence Day to those of you celebrating the holiday today!

I’m ambivalent about the day. I love the food, but hate the fireworks.

Dinner was great. I bought a 5 quart Teflon skillet and made home fries for the first time in ages. We also had Sloppy Joes and greens. We sat together at the dinner table and stuffed ourselves. But the neighbors are stinking up the place with their incessant firecrackers and making me jumpy. I’m not a jumpy person, dammit. I hate twitching with every pop, boom, crack, bang, pow.

I want to go out. There’s so much going on in the city today! Weird Al is performing right down the street from me at the Iroquois Amphitheater. And it gets better - yes, better! George Clinton and the P-Funk All*Stars are playing the Louisville Waterfront, absolutely free! I really, really want to go. Alas, I have no way down there (insert sobbing smiley here, please). I tried to convince Husband to stay home tonight so we could attend, but he is being infuriatingly sensible. P is hanging out with her sister and their girls this evening. I even tried calling my mom to see if I might borrow her Jeep so I could go, but she doesn’t answer. Curses!

There’s beer in the fridge, though and it’s my new favorite - Blue Moon’s seasonal beer Honey Moon. I stayed up way too late again last night, sipping 3 of those delish brews and hanging out with Husband. I’m pretty exhausted from lack of sleep. Plus, I went shopping for a bit, cooked dinner and played a ton with the boy. I even chatted with Joy for a bit. She complained about boredom but then said she was going to Busch Gardens today. That kid, I tell ya, she expects to be entertained 24/7.

I bought some new clothes for myself while shopping today. I got a pretty good deal, too. I bought 5 summery shirts and a pair of shorts and spent a whopping $40. I still haven’t gotten around to trying them on yet, though, ’cause I’m so tired and started dinner as soon as we got back. It gets damn hot in that kitchen quick!

I’ve still got a ton of shows on the DVR and I wanna watch Vantage Point. And I’ve got tons of crocheting left to do. I’ve only made 6 of the 16 small squares and none of the other size squares! Mom’s birthday is only in a few days, so I suppose her gift will be late. It took me forever to decide on a color pattern and finally decided to use two color patterns. Here’s what I have so far:

Firstly, T and I got into it yesterday. Mostly because I can’t convince her to take school seriously. All I requested was that she hand over her cell phone for the few hours of the day that she should be focusing on school. She dug in her heels and refused, stating that she could do both. Well, the past several months proves otherwise. I hate the tension between us, but I can’t pretend that I’m okay with her just slacking on her schoolwork so’s she can play on MySpace and send text messages all frickin’ day. So, for now, she has no computer privileges and I’ve taken away her allowance. In our home, the allowance is contingent upon doing your “job” as a kid by going to school and doing homework (as opposed to being tied to chores). Natch, she’s pretty upset, but I think I am being more than reasonable.

And last night, Buddha would not go to sleep! He was up until almost 12:30am. Worse, he woke me at 8am this morning. UGH! I suppose it wouldn’t have been too bad, had I went to sleep when he did. But I was up until about 4am myself, starting on my new blanket, the Circles to Square Afghan. Here’s a the pattern image.I’m using the same yarn from the Seija Set (brown, pink and off-white) to make it, though, since I still have so much. I had fully intended on making at least one more Seija afghan, but I’m bored with it after making two already. I can’t decide on the color sequence. I made two squares and I’m going to make a third before deciding. It’s going to be a gift for my mom’s upcoming birthday (Mom, if you are reading, act surprised when I give it to you!). I’m going to hafta hustle - her birthday is in 11 days! In any case, point is that my sweet boy totally conked out in the middle of the living room - something he never does. It was cute enough to share:

Meanwhile, Joy is in Florida. Her being in Florida is not good for my mental health. I have thought so much about xSO because of it, which I loathe. I’m the type of girl who does not remain on friendly terms with ex-boyfriends. They are my ex for a reason! Now, this does not apply to boys I dated a few times (or to CJP - nevermind that we aren’t in touch anyhow - because, well, he’s just different), but rather to those with whom I was in a long-term relationship. Those never end well and for me personally, the break often had to do with me growing up and them, well, not.

Unfortunately, this is not the case with Joy’s dad, as much as I would prefer it to be. We have a child together and contact between us has been necessary. It’s especially true since he’s the type of boy who has never had to do much for himself since there was always someone there to do it for him. I’m referring to things like paying bills, remembering birthdays and other important dates, sending Christmas cards, attending functions at school and church, and so on. When we first moved to Kentucky, I called xSO right away with Joy’s new school calendar information. Of course, by the time December rolled around and it was time for them to visit, he had made absolutely no arrangements and lost the paper he had written the vacation dates on. What makes all of this so infuriating, such the burden that it is for me, is that I am still the glue that keeps them (Joy and xSO) together. And - worse - his actions still affect us.

My stomach has been in knots waiting for the 30th, when he finally goes to sentencing. He’s looking at 3 to 5 years, from my understanding of his charges. And that’s not counting the neighboring county, where he still hasn’t been dealt with at all. I’m hopeful that he serves some amount of time, because it seems to me that it is the only possible solution to stopping his downward spiral. I wish I were in a position to wish him well, ’cause ultimately that’s what I’d really like to see. It’d be better for our daughter and my family. But I have been let down too often to bet on it.

Some time back, xSO’s mother told Joy that xSO’s life fell apart when we left. While it is essentially true, I was totally pissed at the woman for stating such a thing to my daughter. She might has well have said “It’s all your and your mom’s fault that he’s screwing up.” Bullshit! He was always living risky. When we were together, he didn’t live as risky because I was always there to nag him about drinking too much, spending too much on his head and so on. After I left him, that wasn’t my problem anymore and he took it to the extreme. That shit affects us. It affects Joy, it affects me and it also affects Husband and Buddha. None of us should be made to deal with xSO’s selfishness and disregard for responsibility.

Joy said she visited with him in jail. She said they weren’t even in the same room - that she spoke to him over a telephone and that she saw his image on a computer-like monitor. I’m a bit relieved, to be honest. I was concerned that being in close proximity to him and not being allowed to hug him would be upsetting for her. I think the experience she had made it seem less real, more surreal. Like a phone conversation with an overseas friend.

Yeah, so I’m pissed that I’m spending so much energy thinking on and worrying over Joy being there. I’m going to spend some time today folding laundry that I’ve been ignoring for a week and crocheting while watching the 10+ hours I’ve got recorded on the DVR, so hopefully it will not consume me. P and I had considered attending Shakespeare in the Park tonight, but I didn’t get much sleep last night and she just wants to go home and laze in her PJs. So, we’ll try to go another night. I’ll update then with pictures, I’m sure.

Oh yes, and the great irony is that, for whatever reason, my linked images show up in black and white on Internet Explorer. So, if you are viewing the blog on IE, there likely is something wrong with the picture. Go figure.

At long last, the blankets I’ve been working on are completed! So let’s cut right to the pictures, shall we?!

The sock monkey head.

The face was added.

Then sewn to a square.
Buddha loves it!
The completed blanket.

The last several weeks have been rather dull.

I have been working on a supersecret crochet project, but once the surprise is out, I will share those details.

The girl is out of school and did very well. She will be a fourth grader this fall. I’ve gotten her involved in a couple of summer reading programs. We went to the library and she showed ambition by checking out dozens of books. She’s almost finished her first one. We are likely not going to be able to send her to the in-laws for the summer. I’m hesitant to let her dad’s family take her, though I likely will. Sigh.

Buddha is becoming a real challenge. He is growing so fast and curious about everything. He keeps me on my toes all.day.long! He’s starting to learn new words, which is exciting and fun. He says “rock” and “cup” about the right things. It’s pretty cool watching those connections.

One morning earlier this week, I woke up before Buddha. I made myself a couple of sausage biscuits and an extra piece of sausage for him, because he loves it so. I left it on the kitchen counter on a paper plate. He got up an hour or so later and eventually went to the counter and pulled the plate down. I found him on the kitchen floor eating the sausage, just like this.

T is also a challenge sometimes. We got into a couple of blow-out fights. She apologized both times and understands why things are the way they are. She is dealing with the shit as it comes. It’s hard when you are a teen and just want to play and have fun. I understand that aspect of it. We are making progress.

On Monday, Husband and I met with a fellow from our bank to see about pre-qualifying for a first-time home loan. We’ve been working on fixing our credit and Husband’s income has increased since we last inquired a year ago, so we were hopeful. Unfortunately, some of the debt I’ve since reconciled did not come off of my report, so I have requested letters from respective companies stating that debts were reconciled.

A new debt showed up on the report. An outstanding medical debt from the girl from 2004 for almost $800. I was forced to call xSO’s mom to ask for some help with that. I am afraid it is going to stand between us and our first home. Made me rather nauseated yesterday, as I traced the debt back to it’s origin. I was under the impression that it was from some lab work I received back in November because the credit report shows it originating 11/2007. Really ridiculous, the hoops I jumped through to find out what the fuck was going on. By the end of the day, I had a stomachache and a migraine.

Anyhow, guy from the bank said he wanted to wait until Husband had at least a year on the job (which he will be on Aug 5) before proceeding. In that time, I should be able to get together letters of debt reconciliation (’cept for the one for the medical bill) and write to the 3 credit reporting agencies, requesting that they review the accounts and reevaluate my credit score. I remain hopeful.

We had hoped to be able to move over the summer. Since that was our original plan, I decided it might be best for the girl to stay here for the summer and be a part of all that. Last summer she was gone during our move here and she felt disconnected and excluded from things. I didn’t want a repeat of that. However, since we are going to hang in here until at least August, I decided to talk to xSO’s mom about girl visiting there for the summer. I’m extremely reluctant because we’ve made so much progress since the last incident in FL with xSO. The girl is ready to talk to the psych about discontinuing meds on the 16th. I gave xSO’s mom some conditions and she was willing to promise adhering to them. Still, I’m hesitant. I agreed to the visit, but I swear to God on my very soul that if they fuck up again, it will be a cold day in Hell before she is allowed to visit there again.

We did take the kids bowling again and I’ve been taking trips to the nearby park with P and her girls. Here are some pics.

Buddha with his stick.

T and C, P’s youngest.

Joy and her best friend, L.

T and Joy.

Joy.

Joy and L.

The whole lot of them.And for good measure, Husband.

Well, I finally dragged my pathetic self to the doctor on the 8th. The doctor was pleasingly sympathetic. She gave me Keplex (a broad-spectrum antibiotic), Medrol (a steroid) and Tussionex (cough syrup with hydrocodone). I felt markedly better the next day and spent most of that day vacuuming, spraying every touchable surface with Lysol and washing everything in the house, including our bed linens. Today is the last day of my antibiotics, and while I do feel so much better, my right ear and my throat hurts today. I am supposed to meet with the doctor again this Thursday to check out that the funk has, indeed, left. Keep your fingers crossed!

We’ve spent quite a bit of time focusing on getting T caught up in her classes. I was under the impression that she was doing fine. Not so much! She was so far behind in one of her classes that we pulled her out of it. She’s still quite a bit behind, but she should be back on track by this Wednesday.

Joy is almost finished with her school year. I have gotten several of her test scores back and she is either proficient or distinguished in all subjects. I’m quite pleased. She is a naturally good speller and while she struggles with math, she is capable of doing well in that area, too. If only I could get her to read more at home without the fight! Reading really is such a pleasure, it sucks that it’s an argument to get her to get started. Once she’s into a book, though, she usually finds herself really enjoying it. It is also a conflict to get her to do Plato - the free online tutoring the school provided. She doesn’t really need it, but it certainly isn’t going to hurt.

The boy has 3 molars now! He seems to be jumping dozens of hurdles on the daily. He danced yesterday! And he is saying more words. He still doesn’t sign much, but he seems to understand the words we are signing to him. And he has a very healthy appetite. I can’t get over it. I swear the time has just flown by. Seems like only yesterday I had a sleepy newborn. Now I have a boisterous and busy toddler. He is so full of personality. And he absolutely adores his sister to pieces.

We haven’t been doing much since we have been all burdened by this illness. However, my friend P insisted that we accompany her to the park last week. We went along and had a good time, but we did not stay for nearly as long as we normally do. We were all winded rather quickly!

And yesterday we joined P, her girls and our old friend S and her daughter to Forest Fest. It’s a bluegrass festival in Jefferson County Memorial Forest, the nation’s largest municipal forest. Legendary Bluegrass icon Dr. Ralph Stanley appeared and performed. We didn’t stay to see him, which both saddened me and was a relief. We were there for several hours and I was exhausted from chasing Buddha around. We did, however, see Bluegrass 101 and Kentucky Sassafras play.

The particular spot we chose was to the far left of the stage but near the road. About an hour before we left, Dr. Stanley’s tour bus pulled in just behind our spot and his entourage began congregating and crowding in behind us. They ended up setting up a table for CD and t-shirt sales right behind us.

T gets Joy with sunblock.

P is forever doing chores while we are supposed to be having fun. When we were partying teenagers, everyone would be goofing off and P would be in the kitchen doing dishes. Here she is paying bills. That’s S and her daughter in the background. Also, you can see some of Buddha and P’s youngest daughter C.

P’s oldest daughter, L.

S and her daughter, P’s youngest C and the boy.

S’s daughter and Buddha. He was really into this wagon. I’ma hafta get him one!

Joy standing in line for one of the activities.

Joy poses with a nifty stone chair and table.

T, the girl and the boy stand in line for organic coffee.

The boy found a pinecone.

The girl making a visor.

T entertains Buddha for a while. He doesn’t look very entertained.

Dr. Stanley’s tour bus.

Buddha and I take a break to nurse. Pay no attention to flabby, stretch-marked belly.

The boy and his fascination with the wagon. The people just beyond him are Dr. Stanley’s posse.

Joy and her best friend, P’s oldest L.

T gave the boy a tube of chapstick, which kept him busy for several minutes.

You can see the stage to the right.

No idea WTH T is doing. Weirdo.

A good shot of the stage and our view of it.

It’s Kentucky Sassafras up there playing. Great music! There was a pretty good crowd, too. We just stayed away from it as best we could.

I was pleased by the diversity of the crowd. There were hippies, old folks, rednecks, teenagers, a lot of kids. Turned out that I knew the people just in front of us, too! Small world.

Last Thursday was Husband’s 27th birthday. Unfortunately, he had to work. On the Monday before, we had a WIC appointment and afterwards, we talked about his gift. I wanted to get him a new stereo for his car - the kind with USB port and/or an SD card reader, so that he could play mp3s. None of us listens to the radio anymore and CDs are so cumbersome. Besides, it’s what he’s wanted since I met him. However, I have no idea how to pick high-tech gadgets for the pickiest of picky high-tech gadget dorks! So, I told him my idea but said that if there was something else or better that he wanted, that was alright with me too. He gave me a big squeeze and said that I was the best wife ever. Needless to say, this made me feel great since I had internal conflicts for weeks now about how to get him a gift he could love, use and appreciate! He decided he really wanted to get a PDA and that he would save up for it. I also set him an appointment to take the class so he can get his CCDW again. That made him really happy, too. On his actual birthday, I squeezed him and wished him a great day. I wish I could’ve done more, though.

I finished another blanket, which I gave to an online buddy of mine. It’s just like the blanket I made for my niece, only the border is different (scalloped edges instead of the braid). I mailed that to her on Wednesday. I’ve been meaning to get started on another project for another internet buddy, but haven’t gotten to it yet. I need to type out the instructions for it since all the abbreviations confuse the hell outta me. I have enough yarn to make two of these blankets. I intend to keep one of them for the boy. It’s a granny square project - my first one! - and I’m ready to learn how to do that now. I have no idea what I’ll do after that, but I have gobs of yarn, so it’ll be something.