I’m Beautiful Like Me.

My apologies for the extended absence. I have been very busy with life! This is my catch up post, but I’ll attempt to keep it to the abbreviated version.

We joined the YMCA on March 17. I did very, very well; going 6 days a week for no less than 45 minutes and increased my water consumption 1000%…. until I got sick with allergies about a month ago. I have been having a hard time getting back into it. I have lost some weight, but not enough to boast about yet. I’ve even made a new friend! And I’ve been keeping an online journal with my friend and confidant P.

As I stated in an earlier post, I applied to U of L and for financial aid to attend. I was accepted to the school. I immediately applied for several scholarships for which I qualified and today I got very exciting news: I received a $3,000 scholarship! Earlier, I received word that I qualified for and will receive a $1,000 grant from the state. Very exciting! I haven’t crunched the numbers yet, but I will when I find out about a Pell grant and the rest of the scholarships for which I’ve applied.

Even more exciting is that I may finally know what I would like to do with my life. I watched a show on the Science Channel called "Connected: The Power of Six Degrees" and learned about a developing science called Network Theory that absolutely intrigues me. Unfortunately, there are very, very few schools that teach it, so I need to find something similar to focus on in the meantime. It’s airing again soon, so try to catch it!

I have been spending unhealthy amounts of time on Facebook. I’ve tracked down all sorts of old friends! It’s a little funny since I’ve been feeling pretty anti-social in the real world. If you are on there, join me!

Husband and I have been helping a friend of mom’s to sell most of his and his now-deceased wife’s belongings. The wife was a bit of a hoarder and the widower is overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff. Between the two of them, they had somewhere in the neighborhood of a dozen kids and none of them have been very helpful in assisting their father.

We did manage to get out for Husband’s birthday last Friday: a nice, quiet dinner at the Olive Garden. This weekend, I’m taking him to see both the new Terminator movie and his mom, who is traveling to Ohio. We’ll meet her in Cincinnati for a day at the zoo or somesuch.

Besides skipping the gym, I’ve also skipped several weeks of knit night now. I’m just feeling rather uninspired  lately. I made mom a nice pair of socks for Mother’s Day and started on another pair of socks, but I’m not digging how they are turning out. I should’ve frogged them a long time ago. This past weekend, I got my nephew B for a night and he accompanied Joy and I to the library. I’m hoping flipping through a book or two will help me become inspired to start something fresh. I’d love to make my soon-to-arrive nephew some booties or something.

I finished reading both So Long and Thanks for All the Fish as well as Your Heart Belongs to Me. The Adams book is likely my favorite in the series. I really, really enjoyed it. The Koontz book is likely one of my least favorites yet. It was very slow starting and a lot of the storyline went nowhere for me. Aside from getting knitting and crocheting books on our trip to the library, I also picked up B is for Beer. I haven’t read Robbins in a very long time and look forward to reading it.

Our little man turned 2 years old today. We had a gathering at our place on Sunday to celebrate. He still fit into his Birthday Prince shirt from last year, so I put it on him!

He was really into tearing off the wrapping paper to find the surprises inside and he has really enjoyed each gift he’s received. He got two sets of play tools, a "work bench" for pounding blocks, a big bottle of bubbles, a remote control car, a big bag of blocks, a potty chair and some pull-ups (both cloth and disposable). My mom’s friend, Mike C. gave Buddha a card that plays music when you open it. I think it might be his favorite.

He blew both of his candles out in one breath! It was hilarious watching him try to eat the giant cupcake. He kept complaining about the icing on his face.

After things settled down and we were getting ready for bathtime, I asked him if he wanted to try his potty chair. I sat him on it, naked as a jay-bird and daddy and I both praised him for being such a big boy. His response? "Dapper." Yeah, he requested a diaper. Potty training him will be loads of fun.

Today - his actual birthday - we took the kids to the park for a bit before dinner. He’s been bugging about getting those bubbles out. Suffice it to say the bottle is now empty.

Blessed Solar Return, my baby!

My husband cut his hair today. It was fun to witness the transformation. We’ll be donating the ponytail.

Before

He’s been working on the vehicles a lot and aggravated that the hair is constantly in his face. He’s been complaining about it for weeks.

After

Now he looks like the man I married, but it feels like I’m married to a new man! He shaved his face, as well, but I was unable to get a good photo of him inside the house.

He really likes it, says his head feels much lighter. Joy was not so pleased with it, though. I thought she might cry. The baby was there to see it get cut off, although he’d have much rather played with blow-dryers, electric sockets and all the cute hairstylists that were flirting with him. I think he looks great!

My last few posts, I’ve ranted about the things that really suck in my life, so I’m going to spend a minute to discuss the things that are great.

We received a substantial amount for our tax returns, so we were able to (once again) pay off all of our bills and even put quite a bit in savings. It was really nice to give my mom a huge chunk, too, considering all that she has done for us in the past (six months, especially). We still had quite a bit left, so we all got new shoes, Joy got some new school clothes, Buddha got some new toys and Husband and I got ourselves a little something each, too. He got some "nerdy computer stuff" (as Joy calls it) and I got myself the Knit Picks Harmony interchangeable needle set I’ve been ogling for forever now. They are beautiful and simply divine to knit with!

I’ve been working on perfecting my Skulljoy Armwarmers pattern with them, made a cozy for my French Press and have a sock for Husband on my needles right now. I’ve never knit socks with worsted weight yarn, so these seem to be breezing by quite quickly! I’m going to make them with afterthought heels (also called short-row heels), so I have to wait for the book I ordered (Teach Yourself Visually: Sock Knitting) to arrive before I can proceed. I’ll have both cuffs done before it gets here.

My good friend P dragged me to see the movie "Twilight" before I started the final book Breaking Dawn. I haven’t seen a movie in the theater since the first Harry Potter movie! It wasn’t horrible and I’m not sorry I went by any means, I just wish my own image of Edward hadn’t been tainted. Sorry P. I did finally finish the saga, though and hafta say that I really rather enjoyed it. Thanks to all those folks online for turning me on to some new reading material. As soon as I catch up on the DVR (which will give me a chance to do some serious knitting), I’m going to start something new - maybe Wicked or Dean Koontz’s The Darkest Evening of the Year. It is so good to be reading again.

I quit my job at the downtown restaurant last week. It was the most reckless thing I’ve done in a long time and it was very liberating to just not go in. Those people (the ones who own it, that is) are complete jerks and I’m glad to be rid of the feelings I’d have just before going in. In the meantime, I’ve applied with the county school system for several jobs, did the clerical testing, paid for the background check and fingerprinting. Now they just need to hire me!

I also applied for financial aid and at University of Louisville. If only I could decide what the hell I want to do when I grow up! I’m leaning towards either a Mathematics degree of maybe Justice. I need to make an appointment to talk to an advisor, I think. My education is at a stage where I really need to know which direction I want to head in.

And it’s really super-cheesy and maybe a bit morbid, but I’m excited that the latest episode of one of my favorite shows "The First 48" is airing a local homicide. My love for cop and law shows is what has me considering a law-type degree.

Finally, the basketball team at Joy’s school has made the finals! It’s very exciting for these little guys and I’m really proud of them. Here’s the latest video from their game last night.

I’m extremely frustrated and have been very agitated for the past week - ten days or so, so please disregard my hyperbole. I need to fucking vent.

About three weeks ago, I had a panic attack. I hated my job and completely attribute it to that fact. I would obsess over excuses to not go in and would start to feel icky when I did go in. In any case, it was a mild panic attack and I was able to mostly roll with the punches, particularly since we were slow and my boss offered to let me off early. My brother showed up and distracted me, too, so it passed quickly.

Still.

I had also started to have some shoulder pain. I’d wake up in the morning and my right shoulder would just ache. For me, that’s actually entirely normal. What isn’t normal is that the aching doesn’t wear off after some stretching and getting moving.

We had a nice little warm-up here in Louisville for a few days and I noticed that afterwards, when it cooled back down, I’d always feel extremely cold. Very unlike me. Very strange. Even stranger that I’d be cold and Husband wouldn’t be since he is the one that usually whines about the temperature.

A week prior to the panic attack, I met with my new doctor. It was the most bizarre experience I’d ever had. I needed a new ’script for Synthroid, though, and my annual blood test. I had been feeling more forgetful and losing hair again, so I wasn’t surprised when I learned (2 long weeks later) my TSH was higher than normal. The doctor increased my dose from 50 mcg to 75 mcg per day.

In any case, I wanted a follow up appointment with the doctor to go over my fasting blood panel and to talk to them about my shoulder and anxiety. Unfortunately, due to all the shit-weather we had, two appointments were canceled. In the meantime, when the doctor told me over the telephone that he was increasing my dose of Sythroid and prompted by some discussions in an online forum I visit, I decided to re-research Hashimoto’s and it’s symptoms.

So, it turns out that my anxiety and my shoulder pain might possibly be linked to Hashimoto’s. According to this link and numerous others I found by simply googling "Hashimoto’s symptoms" and "Hashimoto’s anxiety", my hypothyroidism may be the cause of these other, new and more severe symptoms.

For those of you that don’t know it, I was diagnosed with OCD when I was a teenager. Before I conceived Buddha, I was medicated for it. I had the anxiety very well controlled for the following 18 months or so. In fact, I believed my OCD only really flared back up when Joy was diagnosed herself. After reading the literature online, I’m rethinking that and wondering if it was just a symptom of Hashimoto’s, since my Hashimoto’s diagnosis was only 2-3 months after Joy’s OCD diagnosis. Seems entirely plausible.

In any case, I finally went back in to my appointment today. I wrote myself a note (so’s not to forget) about the things I wanted to discuss with the doctor. Shoulder pain, anxiety, headaches and how I wonder if they are all symptoms of Hashimoto’s. Now, I’ve suffered from migraines (most of my family members do) since I was a kid. Lately, the headaches seem to be a direct result from the anxiety which cause me to clamp my jaw together painfully, unwittingly. The meds I used to take were an enormous relief from those headaches.

I get to the doctor’s office, which is this little green house with parking in the back. I can only imagine the mess behind the closed doors and pulled curtains based on the mess I can see. The waiting area looks to have been a kitchen at one point, and while there is a frosted glass window that leads to somewhere, no one is ever behind it. Beyond the waiting area, there is a triage area where the doctor and - I presume - his wife both stay, complete with a cot that is covered entirely with medical files and other clutter. Just off of this area, there are two small rooms, which I presume to examination rooms, as they are both covered with privacy curtains (and there is no possible way that an exam can be done in the triage room with all the clutter). No doors are ever closed. When I walked in and sat down, I could clearly hear the entire conversation between the doctor and the man-patient.

On my first visit, the doctor’s cell phone rang while I sat in the only empty chair in the triage room, and - without a word to me (like, say, "Excuse me") - he answered it and promptly left the room. The woman just took over with the questions about my medical history. When her cell phone rang, too, she did the same thing the doctor did - answered it and ignored me completely. I felt cornered, since I needed meds. I should’ve promptly looked for a new doctor after this strange appointment. Alas, I got the ordered blood work and wanted to know the results. Plus I had all these new symptoms.

My appointment was at 12:30 pm. I arrived five minutes early, the waiting room was pretty full. I was immediately annoyed - they’d obviously overbooked their time slots. My irritation was only increased when the lady-I-presume-to-be-Missus-doctor called back two people that arrived after I had before me. The second lady, bless her heart, told the vile Missus-doctor that I had arrived first and that it was my turn. If only that had helped…

So, I pull out my note and begin trying to discuss my problems with this moron-with-a-medical-degree. He interrupted me to show me the blood work results were fine, that only my TSH was a little high (5.67 when it should be between 0.34 and 5.60). Swell. Can I get a copy of that? Well, he doesn’t have a copier, but he supposes I can have the only copy. He did a complete fasting blood work panel, but only tested the TSH (no T3, no T4), despite knowing that I have Hashimoto’s!

So, my shoulder has been aching… He asks if I injured it or if there was some sort of trauma. No, but I have been researching, I tell him, and I think it’s possible that it’s a symptom of Hashimoto’s, like the anxiety. Again, he interrupts me to tell me that a sore shoulder is not a Hashimoto’s symptom and begins explaining what the high numbers mean. I interrupt him and finish the explanation - I fucking understand that the TSH is high because the thyroid isn’t functioning so the pituitary gland is releasing more TSH into the bloodstream and all of that, thankyouverymuch. And he says that the thyroid (points at neck) has nothing to do with the shoulder (points at shoulder). Exacerbated, I request a referral to an endocrinologist. The disgusting Missus-doctor, who had been on her cell phone in the same room as us the entire time, is now off the telephone and interrupts with a hearty "We handle thyroid issues here. No referral."

I stood up. "Then I’ll find a doctor who will." And walked out.

What a fucking nightmare. I called the insurance company and asked for a new PCP. I also asked to file a complaint.

In the meantime, I did learn that I can get myself into a psych eval somewhere in town without a referral. I need to treat the anxiety if nothing else.

Husband just spent over an hour digging out our truck and my mom’s loaner. I still can’t fathom driving as our street is still covered in a sheet of ice. I did, however, want to get out of my PJs for once and stepped out for a bit. Sheese, it is still so fucking cold out there - and bright. I hope some of that sunshine will thaw us out. I went back in to get the camera, some proof that I did go out into this frozen hell and a reminder of how everything is completely encased in ice.

Would you look at the size of that icicle?! The thing is monstrously enormous.

If you click on the picture on the right here to make it larger, please note the icicles on the bottom wire - they are almost saluting because they froze at an angle during high winds.

It’s not a very pretty picture, but look closely at the one on the right again and you will see that everything - and I mean everything - is completely encased in a coat of ice. The wires, the bare tree limbs, icicles hanging from every surface. At the trees in the back are sagging from the weight of it.

I have no intention of leaving the house anytime in the remotely near future. I hate this weather and am content to stay indoors until it passes. Husband, on the other hand, along with the children, braved the ICK and got some photos.

Meanwhile, work was closed today. I tried to call in at least four times, but there was never an answer. This evening the boss called to see if I could make it in tomorrow. Not likely, as my entire apartment complex is a sheet of ice at least two inches thick. Sorry, dude.

I hafta admit, though, that it is quite pretty. It’s scary how much damage a little frozen water can cause. Trees are down all over the city and hundreds of thousands of people across the nation are without power. I feel quite blessed that our power is still on, especially considering that it flickered quite a bit in the late hours last night. I can’t imagine how we would cope without it - our heat is electric and there isn’t any foreseeable way off this block.

My insane daughter is actually lying down in the snow. WTF?!