I’m Beautiful Like Me.

So yesterday I joined a forum for local moms. I was pleased to find a place where I might find other moms like me in my area. And, I suppose I did. But I was so repulsed by a few peoples’ comments that I cannot bring myself to participate there anymore. At least not right now. The first comment was “breastfeeding is disgusting.” Another disagreed, but said she thinks it’s “weird” when a baby walks over to his mother and starts tugging at her shirt for a breast.

Not offensive to me at all. /sarcasm

I am fortunate that the people I associate with in real life do not have these sort of small-minded opinions or at least are smart enough to keep the opinions to themselves.

I try not to pass judgments on the way a mom feeds her baby. The fact is that I do wish every mother at least try to nurse her baby and further, I wish every mother would be successful in that endeavor.

Motherhood is such a demanding and often thankless job that it saddens me that we often make a competition of it amongst ourselves. Moms - both those who formula-feed and breastfeed - are often made to feel shame over the way they feed their babies. Formula-feeding moms are “second best” and “don’t love their babies as much” as their nursing mom counterparts. Nursing moms are “Jezebels who flaunt their breasts to the world” because - in this culture, at least - breasts are sexual. And that’s not even mentioning the mom who - *GASP!* - extended nurses her babies into toddlerhood! She must get some sort of sexual gratification out of it (insert eye-rolling smiley here, please).

Breastfeeding is natural (hard as it may be, at times). Scientific studies prove that breastfeeding is best. “Scientific studies” that state otherwise are almost assuredly funded by formula companies or the companies that own them. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the World Health Organization (WHO) both state that babies should nurse for at least the first year. WHO’s stance is the first two years.

Humans are mammals, so named for our mammaries. All mammals nurse their young. Cow’s milk is perfect for baby cows, human milk is perfect for human babies.

All that said, I’m quite grateful that we have a nutritious and safe alternative to breastfeeding these days so that all children have the opportunity to survive when nursing is not an option - regardless of why it isn’t an option.

Some moms truly do not make enough milk to sustain their babe (although it is rare). Most often, misinformation causes a new mom to not feed her baby enough. Schedules may work for the bottle-fed baby, but they do not work for the nursing baby. The supply/demand cycle gets screwed up and she eventually does reach the point of not making enough milk. It can often be resolved very early by nursing more and not supplementing with a bottle and following baby’s hunger cues.

Some moms work full-time outside of the home and pumping alone cannot sustain their babe. I have operated several high-dollar (even hospital-grade pumps) personally and know without a doubt that if I had to work outside of the home, I would not have been successful at nursing for long (mad props for pumping, working moms!!!). I don’t know of any scientific research out there on the subject, but my experience with other moms that do pump exclusively often suffer from supply problems.

Some moms struggle with getting it right in those emotional beginning weeks and have no support whatsoever. This was the case for me when Joy was a baby. We struggled for 3+ painful and stressful months before giving up. I got very little support from the community (and how could they support me when I didn’t know who to ask for help?) or moral support from Joy’s dad. I was alone in my suffering. And the guilt was enormous.

Plus, there are a range of health issues that can keep a baby from being able to nurse. I’d name some, but frankly I only personally know of two health reasons why a mom cannot nurse and what they are called eludes me (in my defense, they are rare and have weird names).

So, I try to not pass judgment of the way a mom feeds her baby. I wish more people would do the same.

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