I’m Beautiful Like Me.

Today, I had an advising appointment. As I was passing the time before my appointment, the mail came. In the mail was a letter from the Dean’s office. I was reluctant to open it; after receiving the letter about not receiving the state grant and feeling uncertain of how the interview went, I was not feeling confident.

I’m curious by nature so of course I opened the letter. And it said I won the scholarship. And the scholarship is for twice as much as I thought - $6000! Holy shit. I was completely stunned. I read the letter multiple times to be sure I had read it right.

I have always treated my education with great seriousness. I work hard to secure grants, fabulous grades and scholarships. This is not my first scholarship by a stretch. It is, however, the most substantial! I opened the letter at around 10am this morning and the shock didn’t wear off until just a few hours ago. The joy has finally set in!

I made my appointment on time (actually, I was there early!) and the advisor and I spent an hour and a half pouring over my transcripts, prerequisites and required courses, she edited my proposal and we squared away my curriculum for the remainder of my undergraduate career. She advised me to call the Doctor before the day’s end to make my appointment with him to get approval for my degree proposal before the end of May. I didn’t have anywhere to go or anything much to do, so I found a spot in the sun on campus and tweaked my proposal until Husband called. I needed to call the Doctor before I headed home because I’d just forget about it once I got there. I pulled up my Google calendar and dialed him. He asked if I was busy now, to which I responded, “Let’s do this!” Less than an hour and a handshake later, the Doctor welcomed my to Liberal Studies and congratulated me for being the first ever U of L student to major in Forensic Science! w00t!!!

I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling very overwhelmed and humble. But I still played lotto!

A few weeks ago, I began to find some old friends on Facebook. People I really missed and am so happy to find back in my life. It’s bittersweet, because some changes are so profoundly negative that it’s hard to see people the way I used to while other changes shine a new light on a previously hidden beauty that I always suspected was there. Memories take hold at various moments, too and that can be troubling and even painful to sort through. All in all, though, it’s been a lovely experience that I’m grateful has happened. The laughter more than makes up for the quiet anxiety.

Today, I met with a scholarship committee. I’ve never done anything like that before. It was a bit awkward. I’m never sure what it is these people want to hear. Why can’t my stellar record speak for itself? With all the budget cuts in education, I was told the state had exhausted its funds; that I won’t be receiving state aid. And I received a “thanks, but sorry” letter from another scholarship I applied for. I guess they are getting extra-selective since there is such a crunch for cash. I was myself: honest and humble. I should know by next week.

Meanwhile, I finished all my classes this week. I haven’t been so thrilled about impending summer since I was a high-schooler! So far, I’ve received a B for my (first ever senior-level class) Forensic Anthropology class and two As for Criminology and Justice Admin. I fully expect an A for American Sign Language, as well. While it isn’t my best work, it is certainly worth being proud of – and I am.

Next week, I meet with Advising to plan my curriculum. My areas of concentration are going to be Justice Admin, Biology and Forensic Anthropology. Since they are thisclose to implementing the Interpreter program, I’m strongly considering adding that to my degree plan. I was informed that it may be possible to double major, too. I’m nervous and excited to be creating long-term goals.

In the meantime, I am very happy for the time off. I intend to take the kids to the zoo a lot, read for leisure, do some more knitting (I haven’t touched the needles since at least January!) and go on vacation with my amazing husband. I want to go hiking. I want to meditate regularly. I want to go to a concert, volunteer somewhere, really get to know my camera…

Oh, and have backyard barbecues… starting Sunday. Stay tuned for pictures!

You were created to love and be loved. In support of Depression Awareness, we wrote love on our arms.